Holy Not Holier | Conviction, Guilt, Boundaries in Relationships, Forgiveness and Healing Scriptures

When Authority Goes Wrong: Understanding Spiritual Abuse and How to Heal From it

When Authority Goes Wrong: Understanding Spiritual Abuse and How to Heal From It
Church leadership is meant to reflect the heart of God—protecting, discipling, serving, and pointing people to Jesus. But what happens when leadership becomes controlling, manipulative, or abusive?
In this episode of Holy, Not Holier, we're having an honest conversation about spiritual abuse, toxic leadership, and how to separate God's character from the people who may have misrepresented Him. If you've ever struggled with church hurt, questioned authority, or wondered whether speaking up against harmful leadership is biblical, this episode is for you. In This Episode Spiritual Abuse Is Not Biblical Authority God establishes leadership for protection, discipleship, and love—not intimidation, control, or manipulation. We explore the rise and fall of King Saul and what his story teaches us about leadership, accountability, and the danger of placing ourselves above God's authority. Saul's life reminds us that being called by God does not exempt anyone from accountability. Throughout Scripture, God consistently confronts corrupt leaders. From the prophets of the Old Testament to Jesus' rebukes of the Pharisees in Matthew 23, we see that God takes the misuse of spiritual authority seriously. You Can Honor God Without Enabling Abusive Leadership Biblical submission was never intended to silence wisdom, discernment, or healthy boundaries. Jesus never manipulated people into following Him. He invited, served, corrected in love, and allowed people the freedom to choose. We discuss warning signs of unhealthy leadership, including:
• Leaders who operate without accountability
• Refusal to apologize or receive correction
• Weaponizing Scripture to control others
• Prioritizing institutional reputation over people's wellbeing
Healing May Require Separating God From Those Who Misrepresented Him One of the deepest wounds spiritual abuse creates is a distorted view of God. Abusive leaders may misrepresent God's character, but Jesus reveals the Father accurately. Learning to distinguish God's heart from human failures can be a crucial step in healing and restoration. We discuss why biblical literacy matters, how discernment protects believers, and why building your faith on Jesus—not personalities, traditions, or institutions—is essential for a healthy spiritual life. Most importantly, we acknowledge that while harmful leaders exist, there are also many humble, faithful pastors and church leaders who genuinely love God and His people.
Key Scriptures
• 1 Samuel
• 2 Samuel
• Matthew 23
• Isaiah 1:10–17
• Psalm 82:2–3
• Exodus 22:24
Memorable Questions From This Episode
• If God publicly rebuked corrupt spiritual leaders throughout Scripture, why are we afraid to talk about it today?
• Is every church leader automatically above accountability?
• What is the difference between biblical authority and spiritual abuse?
• How do we honor leadership without enabling unhealthy behavior?
• Have we confused silence with peace?
• “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” Matthew 10:34 ESV
Resources Mentioned • Rini Spencer (content creator and speaker on narcissism, abuse, and church culture)
• https://www.instagram.com/rinispencer/
Final Encouragement If you're carrying pain from experiences within the church, hear this clearly:
God takes that pain seriously because He takes you seriously. You may have been surrounded by people who stayed silent, excused harmful behavior, or prioritized protecting an image over protecting people. That does not reflect God's heart. Healthy Christian community exists. Faithful leaders exist. Churches that value both truth and people exist. If necessary, give yourself permission to seek a community that values you, values accountability, and values the Lord above all else. Connect With Holy, Not Holier If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend, leave a review, and follow the podcast for more conversations about healing from religious stigma, growing in biblical truth, and walking closely with Jesus.

1. Stop Letting Resentment Come Between You and Jesus

In this episode we dive into all things Resentment.
We've all dealt with feelings of injustice in one way or another. What defines us is how we manage those feelings. 
You may be wondering:
What does resentment look like? Am I justified in feeling this way? How is this coming between Jesus and I? What are the biblical references to responding to resentment?
Tune in and let's unpack this together!
 

Trailer | Welcome to Holy Not Holier

Have you ever been burned by the congregation meant to nurture you? Are you guilty of having a spiritual life that begins and ends on a Sunday morning? Do you long for a community that holds you accountable and convicts you to actually live like Jesus? Are you sick of the "holier-than-thou" attitude that infests christianity?
You’ve made it to the right place!This podcast helps guide women of faith through healing, deconstruction, and rediscovering Jesus without the religious baggage.
Hi I’m Raini. I’m a young mom, wife and Christ follower. I grew up attending church for years but never once felt connected to Jesus.
My childhood church growing up was small and the minds were often even smaller. From Sunday to Sunday I was just going through the motions. I'd be whoever I needed to be as long as I wasn't next Sunday's sermon or the newest congregational hot gossip. 
I realized that if I ever wanted to grow spiritually, I had to throw out everything I thought I knew about the Lord. I became dedicated to discover who Jesus was for myself. No more church politics and no more being a mediocre Christian. I want to help you do the same!
If you’re ready to heal from church hurt, set healthy boundaries and truly learn about Jesus & who he created you to be! If you're ready to trade burnout for peace, shame for grace, and religion for real relationship. This is the podcast for you. This is a space for women rebuilding faith, finding community, and finally feeling seen in their walk with God.
Because we’re called to be Holy not Holier.